My Darkest Secret
by Tysoyo Kalli
Summary: Is Katan as pure and innocent as everyone things? Part of my what if ways of writting. Completly AU. KatanxRociel, Katanx????


Note: uh... this was a random spur of the moment while rideing home with my friend Kitsune Hashiba. ^_^; yeah.. anyways, I personally dont think this is how Katan really is, but you never know.. uh.. au, sorta kinda. ^^;;; and uh yeah...  
  
Warning: Um.. mild lemon?  
  
Disclaimer: *twitch twitch*  
  
Time Frame: *twitch twitch twitch* yeah...  
  
My Darkest Secret...  
  
_____________________________  
  
He smiles at me, more innocently than I could ever even think that would cross his gental features. So soft is his skin, and long hair. A paled violet blue color, so rich against his ablazed golden eyes. He is far to perfect for me.  
  
But I worship him. But not in the sence that... I worship my other god. He is even more beautiful than this Rociel-sama.  
  
He knows me as one person. A sweet innocent grigory in which was grated a body to be used by him for his own selfish needs. I must say, the life of an angel is so much more than that old life in which I tend to forget existed. It seems it only exists as a dream. Having to follow other angels and watch their maginficence wander about them as they ruined themselves with lust, love and violence.  
  
Ah, he's walking towards me. I put on a timid expression, his smile is almost to sweet. He is a man of insanity, that it is so great, he will forever be sane. We, the rest of us, are the one's who are insane. Because we think we know how it will all turn out. By my other master, my beautiful master intrapped in a body. My perfect love, told me once, that when all the humans die off, the angels and demons will have no more purpose. We only exist to make sure the prescious humans are protected from the Evils. But are they truely evil? As evil as I?  
  
For I do know who my beloved is. And, no it is not and could not ever be Rociel. I love him for giving me these hands in which I can grace my beloved's body with.  
  
I must see him. My true master.  
  
Rociel puts a hand on my cheek softly caressing it. I vaguely wonder what he is planning on doing. This monster could never love, even if he tried. A selfish bastard that lives only to make himself feel better. God gave him to much to live up to. It was because of God, that all of my Father's hopeful dreams and lust for his sister to say how pretty he was.  
  
He was a pretty being, like all the rest of us. Though, in his case, he wants to make sure his body is there. Make sure it still... is a body.  
  
He kisses my cheek and looks at me, "You mind is wandering, Katan. You pay me no attention tonight."  
  
I blink at his words, as they intrude into my rambling thoughts, slowly I speak, "Sorry, Rociel-sama. There is much on my mind."  
  
A hard slap across the cheek in which he just kissed lovingly, I let my face linger where it falls. I hear the clicks of boots walk out. I smile greedidly and walk in the oppisite direction, the way to the door to be out of the stuffy church.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I stand there, waiting for him. My secret from everyone. My darkerst, durtiest secret. And I love it all the more. I see him walk towards me. Long black trench with a tap of brown to make it even darker against the aquamarine tank top. Tight pants, oh such a figure to. My eyes search hungerly. He knew me as a good toy, but prefers to be seme(1) a vicious little toy. At least in his thoughts, that is basically what I made myself to be.  
  
So many faces for my different lovers. Yes, I could concider both of them lovers. Yes, because they both take me, I always make him take me, and Rociel could never hurt so much.  
  
He smirks at me, and I marvle at his features. So sharp and chrisp. He glided over and kissed me and then slapped me. I fall to the floor, he is always more rough than Rociel could ever be. He's on me in no time. I violently push him off and glare at him. He smirks again then sits next to me.  
  
I wisk into a standing postion and glare down at him. Oh, its funny how many different roles I can play. He looks up at me Almost playful. Oh... he has golden eyes. My mind travles back to Rociel. I can never stay here mentally when I am with one or the other.  
  
Some may say it is impossible for one to love two people and get away with it. Haha, if only they could see me now. The only thing that was the same about me with both of my lovers, was this. My name.  
  
My dark secret stands slowly and circles me. Examining me. I find it rather enjoyable, when he does this. For I feel him take in everything there is about me. Soon enough, my hand wasn't mine anymore as he pulled me along. I knew what he wanted, and I myself wanted all the more.  
  
He took me to his danky apartment. It smelled of sweet lavander, and velvet. If velvet did have a smell. He left me quickly and went into the back room. How many times have I been here before? In this one spot which is my spot within this apartment. I smile to myself as he returns to me. He gives me a soft smile and neals before me. I look down at him, ah yes, submissive. How this beauty really should be. He looks almost perfect, with the moonlight shinning down at him. No, the light would never touch him. Because he was... to... to unholy.  
  
Neither of us were to be touched by the moon light. Becasue, that was to pure for us. And what we were about to do, was something so unholy, it was pure it its own little way. I feel his hands grip onto me as he looks up at me pleadingly, begging me to give the affirmitive.  
  
I dangle the thoughts in my mind. My only power in life was this, this perfect being wishing for me. But was I as dominate as I make myself seem?  
  
We make love for almost three hours. Oh, perfect harmony, we are together. For we both know what we are after with each other. I enjoy being with this one.  
  
But, my mind still will travels backwards in to a sharp little room, where a delicate beauty lies hopefully asleep. My father, lover, abuser. I almost let Rociel-sama's name fall past my lips as I release myself into the one called Nanatsuya.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~~*~**~~*  
  
I slip in quietly, into the church. Its so deadly quiet, I almost wish for it to go away. The silence is almost unnerving. My boots click as I walk down the passage way.  
  
I hear a ruffle behind me, I turn and see the perfect being. Hair piled ontop of his head, in the fasion in which he sleeps in so it will not be as messy in the morning. A long flowing night gown type thing, the color of crushed dried lavender.  
  
"And where were you, Katan?" Rociel speaks so softly, almost like a fightened child. I look at him, giving him this look of asking forgiveness.  
  
"I am utterly sorry, Rociel-sama.. I went... for a walk... to think, please do not be mad at me sir!" I grovle to his feet, and look up at him with the same expression. He neals down infront of me, and takes my chin into his long thin fingures with painted purple long sharp square nails. He looks me in the eye. Oh, I have a thing for golden eyes, my mind travles to my beautiful, perfect, Nanatsuya....  
  
I may never be able to stay with one as Rociel takes me... because all threw it I love the other more....  
  
___________________  
  
Owari....  
  
UGH! I'm not to happy with the ending... but oh well, this was my first Katan fic, hope he's not to out of character. And yes, Katan's other lover IS the Seven Bladed Sword... not Lucifer, nor Kira, Nanatsuya. Though he COULD be concidered both, theres a bit of a different in personality wise. Kira is the little boy that died, and Lucifer isn't the sword. *smirk* anyways, yeah tell me what you think of it. 


End file.
